either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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