Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
