Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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