to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
