Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
