Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
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