my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
