she woke up with a sticky ear
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
