You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
