I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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