you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
