Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
