theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
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Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
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Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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