We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
