Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
