The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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