this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
