Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
