look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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