I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
