margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
