when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
