Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
