I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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