You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Randomize
