I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
