Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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