a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize