He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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