please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
