just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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