So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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