I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
