Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
