I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
