Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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