...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
