dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
