New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
