evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
