Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
