He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
