I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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