she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We need to rekindle our bromance
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
