He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
