A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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