did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
