On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
