Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
