yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
