guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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