plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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