youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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