Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
