I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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