He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
